Things Doctors Removed From Anuses This Year

Things That Make You Go “Hmm” When Removed From Anuses

“You’re the RED, WHITE, AND BLUE. The funny things you do, America, America, this is you.” What a great theme song that was for one of the most-popular TV shows of all time. Do you recognize it? It’s from America’s Funniest Anuses  Home Videos! “You might be a star tonight, so let that camera roll.”

The lovely people at the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission released a database of objects that were removed from the anuses of America’s greatest rump pioneers. They also made a list of some other orifices that were explored with gusto (and foreign objects) in the past year. Don’t try any of this stuff at home. If you do, you risk being kicked out of the Cool Kids’ Club. On second thought, it might get you a lifetime membership with them. Kids these days! Who can keep up with what is the “in” thing this season!

A Sampling of Things Doctors Removed From Anuses This Year:

  • TIN CUP
  • LARGE SHAMPOO BOTTLE
  • SCREWDRIVER (size undetermined) Phillips or flathead?
  • CIGAR TUBE (to alieve haemorrhoid symptoms (sounds practical)
  • HAIRBRUSH
  • AIR FRESHENER
  • CAT FOOD CAN! (I hope it was empty. I’d hate to see an animal go hungry.)
  • GOLFBALL

Other Orifices Were Not Safe From Adventurers

Why limit your curiosity to just your back door when you can put stuff in your wiener hole or your ear? With unlimited possibilities, the logical question isn’t “why not?”, but “when will you find the time to fit everything into your tight… schedule.

For a complete list of other fun “stocking stuffers,” go check-in with Adequate Man.

“Rectum? It damn near killed him! But that’s neither here nor there.”