Man Beats Down Roommate Over Cap N’ Crunch

Man Beats Roommate, Stale Cap N’ Crunch

A Moundville, Alabama resident has been arrested for beating his roommate because he “tore the bag when he opened it and did not do anything to keep the cereal fresh.” That’s a serious no-no. First of all, Cap N’ Crunch isn’t inexpensive, especially if you don’t have a coupon. And, secondly, stale anything is no picnic.

The suspect, who is 52 years old, reportedly asked his roommate if he knew how hard it was to chew stale cereal without any teeth. Well, I imagine that it isn’t easy. Poor guy. The aggressive cereal lover allegedly whooped the victim with a laptop cord. Ouch. If you don’t think it’s a big deal, then take off your shirt and let someone whip you across the back with any kind of electrical cord. It’s no joke. [Disclaimer: Don’t really do that. I will not be held responsible if you do].

man beats roomate for stale cap n' crunch

The victim said that his assailant told him to take out his dentures and try to eat some stale Cap N’ Crunch. Apparently, he doesn’t want to know how hard it is to chew Cap N’ Crunch with no teeth because he refused to comply. And, that is when he got the whooping via charging cord. Can’t we all just get along? Seriously. The man with no dentures was charged with domestic violence/assault. “You and the Captain make it happen.” There is no word on whether or not the cereal was thrown out or if somebody is just going to bite the bullet and whoof down the stale cereal.

Cap N’ Crunch Fight Wasn’t the Only Food Fight In Town

Back in December, a Moundville man was arrested for assaulting his half-brother for serving him a slice of cheesecake that was too small. He said the piece was too small for a “grown-azz man.” Perhaps next time he will get his own damn cheesecake. Speaking of cheesecake, I went to high school with a girl whose middle name is Cheesecake. I kid you not. None of the other students tried to eat her, however, she was dating a man who was about 56 years old when she was in eleventh grade. She went on to marry that man. Don’t judge her. You don’t know her.